I wholeheartedly believe this is an essential step in order to have a long, loving, successful marriage. Just do me a favor and think about this thought for a second. How much sense does is make to spend more time planning for a singular day of your life than planning for your indefinite future?
I don’t believe in divorce except for in the most extreme cases that most of us are not likely to experience. That said, planning for my future marriage is beyond important to me. It is important to think about an eventual marriage when dating, its crucial to prepare for marriage when engaged, and continuing to work for your marriage once married. Marriage is a sacrificial love and whole lot of work.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”– Mignon McLaughlin
Part of the reason marriage is so much work, is because we are ever evolving imperfect human beings. There are several quotes about falling in love over and over or learning to fall in love with the new person your partner becomes over the years. You already love the person you are engaged to, so now is the time to put in work and get on the same page for the rest of your future.
One way to do this is through quality premarital counseling. My fiance and I actually did this before we even got engaged to make sure we were in fact the match we thought we were. Our counselor mentioned that so many people get engaged or even married without having discussed critical aspects about their future lives. One of the most common being whether or not to have children. Other topics sometimes include finances, current debt, living situations, jobs, and just overall priorities in life. Not discussing these topics can lead to arguments and separation.
Personally, my fiance and I were able access premarital counseling for free through our church. You don’t have to be religious to do premarital counseling as there are regular counselors that are not religiously affiliated out there. I will say though, if you are religious, especially Christian, I have found that most churches not only offer premarital counseling but deeply encourage it.
I have also found that during the engagement period it can be extremely easy to be so distracted by wedding planning that you don’t continue to date your partner. I experienced this briefly, but I have also heard this from other married friends of mine as well. Throughout the engagement period, it is important to prioritize date nights with your fiance. Set aside time to simply just be with your partner and continue to learn more about them. Don’t discuss wedding plans, you have the rest of the day for that. Prioritize your partner and this habit will continue with you through your marriage.
This next tip is not something my fiance and I have currently been able to do, but it is important for find a mentor couple. This was something not only our premarital counselor recommended but other friends have as well. This is one way to learn from the mistakes of others. A wise and experienced married couple will have been through years of highs and lows to give advice from. They are a wonderful support system to have throughout your engagement and into the early stages of your marriage.
If you want more tips than this, there will be another post coming in the future about specific ways that I as a wife to be have been preparing myself for marriage. While marriage takes two, you need two strong people. Working on yourself can also mean working on your marriage. Hopefully, you guys will be looking forward to that!
I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope your have having a lovely day wherever you are!
~ Madison Eran ~
Featured image taken by Emma Bauso.